I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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