I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
