The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
