She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
