let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
