everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
