That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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