So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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