my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Boobs speak an international language.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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