Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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