as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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