I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
