i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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