I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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