i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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