it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
