Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
