I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
40s are totally the cure
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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