Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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