So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
