Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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