Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
