Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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