I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
