the condom got lost in my hair
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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