I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
