we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am midnight drunk by noon
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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