Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
