were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
