I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
