The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
