my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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