You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just gift wrapped bread.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
