I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
