Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
