she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
