It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
