I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
