dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
