Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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