Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
