you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
