no, he came in my armpit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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