if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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