it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
