I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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