I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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