4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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