I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
