Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
